10/26/04

DEAR Matilda:

I am a successful woman who cannot get a date. I think men are intimidated by my success. I've asked out several men at the office and at the coffee shop I go to, but they always put me off with some lame excuse. What should I do?

--Lonely

Dear Lonely

We live in an imperfect world, and while women like to pretend they are equal to men and have just as much of a right to initiate dating, which they do, but sadly (and in your case) you've also just as much of a right to be rejected.

Sure, most women are physically capable of turning to a stranger and saying "how about I emasculate you over cocktails next Friday". But if you're smart, you'll refrain from asking men out. What fairness-in-dating fails to account for is that men live through their accomplishments - and their conquests - far more than women do. They actually enjoy the chase, which boils down to a kind of Fight Club for the ego, where they battle other men and their own insecurities in hopes of getting the girl. If women do the asking, what are men supposed to do, stand around and try to look dainty?

Instead, hone your flirting instincts, a touch of the hand, making eye contact, leaning closer when they talk, all of these let a man know that you're into him, and they you won't turn his ego into ground chuck and he'll do the asking out. Then he'll feel like the man, and your success or lack of success won't make a rats ass bit of difference. In fact, what you do for a living, or how much money you make, shouldn't even come up at this stage. If it is, then I'd have to question the size of your ego (and your sex chromosomes).

Love,

Matilda

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