Matilda Blackwood

Auto Theft

My very first car was a blue Volkswagon Bus, which I paid $350 bucks for and had to put in a new engine. The previous owner assured me that working on VW's was the easiest thing in the world - he was only partially correct. Three months after purchase, I had my baby up and running (sorta) as long as it wasn't going uphill.

I never locked the doors, who the hell would want to steal this peice of shit vehicle that only barely qualified as transportation, besides, to get it started, I'd often have to take a hammer to the starter in the engine. Then one night after barhopping, I went back to where I thought I parked Peppy, and she wasn't there. It was a very surreal moment, I wasn't sure if maybe I had parked it someplace else, or maybe it had been towed.....but nope, someone had stolen Peppy, and I was beside myself.

I filed a police report, went through all the motions, and the police didn't seem too intent on finding my car, the message I got loud and clear was "no insurance.....you're just gonna have to accept the loss". I wasn't about to accept it, I figured someone will eventually see ol' Peppy, its not exactly the kind of vehicle that blends, especially not with the daisy decals I'd placed all over it after the new paint job. I put fliers up around campus and finally got a break when someone called and said they'd seen a blue, flowery VW on interstate 64. Apparently the thief hadn't even bothered to remove or change the plates on it. I dialed 911 and frantically told the dispatcher where my car was - but she was less than enthusiastic. "If the officers run the plates, he'll get pulled over," she said. I replied "But he's right there now, can't someone drive out and arrest hi him". Then she got snippety about 911 being for emergencies only and told me to call the local police station.

By the time I got to someone that would actually listen to me, the moment of opportunity had passed, and I was still without my car. Three weeks later she turned up again, this time, Calvin down in classifieds had taken a vehicle sale ad from a man named Carl Peterson, the description of the car matched my stolen VW. Carl would delay running the ad until I had it checked out.

Now I'm back to calling the local police, begging them to go see if this Carl dude had my car. I specifically described the dent in the rear quarter panel and a pain irregularity on the passenger side for identifcation purposes. The police took the info and said they'd get back to me. They didn't.

Calvin meanwhile said he couldn't stall any longer, so I was forced to take matters into my own hands. I called the number. "Hello?" muttered the guy on the other end. "You stole my car," I shouted "I want my car back now!" At this point I bluffed my way through with all kinds of threats about the FBI and 20 years to life and finally badgered him into returning it. Carl even apologized, saying he just needed a ride and he'd return my VW posthaste. Which he did, parked in the long term parking garage at the airport. When I found Peppy, she was in poor shape, a few more dents, some unidentifiable substance on the seats, two door handles were broken, and it looked like Carl tried to repaint the bus in red house paint.

I called Carl back. "You trashed my car!" After more badgering, he agreed to pay for the damages and I hung up satisfied that there would be a check in the mail. It never came, and the police now said that since the car was returned, the crime was only a misdemeanor and they could't arrest Carl.

Carl never did make good on the check and he still hasn't been in court over his shenanigans. He did however become a great source of therapy. Whenever I had a bad day, I would call up Carl and rail at him. I even mailed him a nasty letter and a bill for my expenses, addressed to "Carl Peterson, Car Thief". Across the front, I wrote "YOU'RE ROTTEN" and on the back I wrote "I HATE YOU".

Carl Peterson remains on my Christmas card list - but he gets a special one.